Entries tagged with anxiety

Good lord, I haven't posted in two weeks. That was a heck of a turtling.

I've been dealing with a lot of free-floating anxiety. Or rather, I haven't been dealing with it. I've not been talking with people, I've been drinking an inappropriate amount of wine, and I have let all the housekeeping slide to the point where pretty much everyone is uncomfortable.

Today is my day off. I got all the Spawn up and fed and out the door for enschoolenation, did some tidying in the kitchen (I can see the countertop again, yay!), loaded and started the dishwasher, and started a load of laundry while my coffee steeped. Then I granted myself the length of one episode of The Librarians to come to the living room and Just Sit - although in that time I have also reset my password here (forgot? What? Weird.), done some crocheting, and worked with someone via text to finally get savings accounts set up for the lad.

I am bad at Not Doing once I reach my breaking point, apparently. Or my Not Doing is just....busy.

To Do before I allow myself to start another episode of TL:

move laundry from washer to dryer
start next washload
clean the garbage out of the living room
pick up the CDs that are on the floor
put all the couch cushions back where they belong
move one (1) lounge chair so the two form sort of an L-couch shape, which didn't work last time I tried it but last time we didn't have a rug to keep things from sliding
move the drawer fronts for J's bureau, and the plastic I have under them, to a part of the room where I can comfortably paint them while watching the next episode.

Stay tuned for further exciting Bribing Myself With TeeVee developments, including folding laundry and making a trip to the post office!

Hello errybuggy. You doing okay? Making it through the midwinter blaughs?

<3

Last night I went over a new friend’s house for game night with him, his wife, and two other folks I had not yet met. I was Very Nervous, because STRANGERS! but I was also Excite because Gaming And New Friend(s)! We played Oregon Trail: The Card Game, which I have played a few times before and none of them had ever played. We watched a How To Play The Game video before we got started, and they giggled about how much the guy says essentially “Y’all gonna die,” and then noticed that the official instructions basically said the same - that if at least one of you get through 50 Trail cards to the Willamette Valley card, you win the game, but more probably the game ends when everybody dies.

Two people died of snakebite. One person died of I think Typhoid. And two of us made it to the end! WE WON! We were flabberghasted and delighted.

It was also really nice to go out to do a thing, and have everything totally fine and taken care of at home. No phone calls in the middle of things, and in fact no actual trouble that needed handling; SALM is a good Bonus Parent, and got all the Spawn to bed without issue. And he is Awesome Partner; he encouraged me to go have fun with people, and there was no resentfulness or any sort of sense of debt incurred when I got home. He’s glad that I’m maybe building a little bit of meatspace community, and he’s looking forward to when he can do that himself. I’m looking forward to that, too.

I must note before I forget the layers of scents on me, because they are so GOOD together:

Roadhouse from BPAL: Truck stop sleaze. Weedy dandelion and hops with a whiff of tobacco and hemp and a swirl of booziness.

Windward Passage from BPAL: Breezes blowing off of the waters of the Caribbean: marine accord, seaweed, and bladderwrack.

Susanna Dean from SailorZeo on Etsy: Her happy ending is receiving a cup of hot chocolate sprinkled with nutmeg. Her scent has notes of chocolate and nutmeg, as well as rose for the ka'tet, musk, and moss

I do not work today. This is the first week in a long time that I have not been asked to take on any bonus hours; the woman I was largely covering for on her maternity leave is back, and so they aren’t asking me to come be there and do the thing. This is inauspicious, given the large probable vehicle bill that I need to save up for. I’m nervous and a bit unhappy about this timing. On the other hand, the vehicle still runs; I can save a little and get the brakes done, and then save like WOAH and get the exhaust taken care of before annual inspection in May. Assuming I don’t get the loan I applied for, that is. Jury’s still out on that one.

But not being at work today and tomorrow is weird, and sort of.... disconnected feeling. I am going to spend some time being useful around the household - try to clean up the living room one day, and the kitchen the other. Today I started in on laundry, and am glad this was a load I was at home while it was running because it was off balance. I ran into the room and tried to rebalance it. I did it ass-backward and made it worse, and in the process of trying to steady the laundry robot (we have a stacked single-unit, dryer above washer) it rocked so hard that the nearly-full family size laundry detergent container came crashing down from where we keep it atop the machine. I just barely managed to put my hand up and....not catch it, really, but slide-slam it down onto the lid of the washing machine. It would have hit me right in the head otherwise, which is a scary though. What if concussion? What if knocked out and then the already rocking laundry robot fell on top of me?

It does not do to dwell on the awful things that did not happen unless I am brewing them up to write into a story.

I have laundry to sort and fold, and also bunches of yarn to sort through. I need to bulk-destash, and start figuring out what to do, project-wise, with what remains. Otherwise it is merely clutter.

But so much of my headspace today is concerned with the fact that I do not have a kitty and this is Not Right. I need a kitty. Does anybody know anybody whose kitty made some new kitties that need home? I have a home in need of a kitty.

Hello, Blisstopia.<3

Good mornthing!

Good mornthing!