Good mornthing!

[blissmorgan]

Good lord, I haven't posted in two weeks. That was a heck of a turtling.

I've been dealing with a lot of free-floating anxiety. Or rather, I haven't been dealing with it. I've not been talking with people, I've been drinking an inappropriate amount of wine, and I have let all the housekeeping slide to the point where pretty much everyone is uncomfortable.

Today is my day off. I got all the Spawn up and fed and out the door for enschoolenation, did some tidying in the kitchen (I can see the countertop again, yay!), loaded and started the dishwasher, and started a load of laundry while my coffee steeped. Then I granted myself the length of one episode of The Librarians to come to the living room and Just Sit - although in that time I have also reset my password here (forgot? What? Weird.), done some crocheting, and worked with someone via text to finally get savings accounts set up for the lad.

I am bad at Not Doing once I reach my breaking point, apparently. Or my Not Doing is just....busy.

To Do before I allow myself to start another episode of TL:

• move laundry from washer to dryer
• start next washload
• clean the garbage out of the living room
• pick up the CDs that are on the floor
• put all the couch cushions back where they belong
• move one (1) lounge chair so the two form sort of an L-couch shape, which didn't work last time I tried it but last time we didn't have a rug to keep things from sliding
• move the drawer fronts for J's bureau, and the plastic I have under them, to a part of the room where I can comfortably paint them while watching the next episode. 

Stay tuned for further exciting Bribing Myself With TeeVee developments, including folding laundry and making a trip to the post office!

Hello errybuggy. You doing okay? Making it through the midwinter blaughs?

<3

Comments

[phantastically]

Just barely making it. Can't necessarily deal with ANOTHER week of highs in the mid-20s. But there are some potential good things on the horizon and the two-year-old won't be two forever, so things are somewhat looking up.

Glad you've been finding your way out of the hole, even if your time there wasn't particularly pleasant. <3

[blissmorgan]

I don't know about where you are, but here as I look at the 10-day forecast I see highs in the 40s and 50s for the next week - I hope that you also get some of this early springlike weather to boost your temperature and your spirits.

And no, the two-year-old will not be two forever...which SALM and I have been telling ourselves about the downstairs neighbor children, who are HORRENDOUS about bedtime. An attempt at worldsaving for the first time in a couple weeks was soundly quashed by panicked texts from Daughterchild, who was being kept awake by screaming and crying and pleading from the downstairs apartment.

I've been too aware that I've been in the damn hole, and while I haven't been necessarily deep... I don't know. Out will be better than in, and the first step is always admitting that I am where I am.

[phantastically]

Ooooof. Damn neighbor children. I'm really glad we don't have tenants anymore because this would be a really trying time for them and I'd be completely self-conscious about it.

Sorry your world has not been saved. :-(

Keep climbing and don't look down. You'll emerge. If not today, then soon.

[blissmorgan]

Maybe tonight the world will be saved. Maybe.

Maybe that's part of the climb?

Oh my god, I didn't even think about that piece of it. Holy crap.

[phantastically]

I can't speak for you but long absences from worldsavery sometimes makes me doubt myself and my confidence which contributes to the depth of the hole. Or rather, my ability to get out of it.

[blissmorgan]

OK but like vERy YeS and very this. I have been spending a lot of processing cycles in the last several months/year on sorting out how much of this kind of thing has been legit concern about current relationship versus conflating vaguely related circumstances with the death of my previous major relationship.

I've been working on rejiggering my attitudes and approaches, too. Like... I CAN make sexual overtures? And not get rejected? LOL WUT

[phantastically]

I can't speak for you, obviously. But I grew up not being the most sexy or socialized person out there, and I automatically assume the answer is always "no". It's been a long road convincing myself that yes, maybe someone might ACTUALLY be interested in me. And I'm not there yet.

I've been telling myself that I want to get better at just asking and using my words. In my mind I use the word "shameless", but I think that has a negative connotation. The "penalty" for rejection is never as bad as one thinks, and the reward for asking is always so much better.

Though obviously I completely fail at the just-asking part sometimes.

[blissmorgan]

I grew up pretty much the same, with the addition that if the answer wasn't "no" it is because someone is playing a cruel trick on me. Some days I think it's a miracle I'm able to ask for or be open to anything.

But I like much more what happens these days when I say yes.

[markkrawec]

Good to see you!

Had another follow up with the eye surgeon yesterday. Everything as it should be, so he cleared me to go back to taking breakfalls & getting beaten around the torso in sparring. Definitely recommends that I avoid blows to the head from here on in though, since having one detachment makes another one more likely.

It isn't even the operation that was the biggest pain in the ass, it was the expense & having to spend a week afterward staring at the floor.

[blissmorgan]

HUzzah for getting sliced open and then beaten on! ....wait.

I've heard about that part, that you can't look anywhere but down for the week after - it keeps everything in place so you don't have a redetatchment of what they just fixed, right? I feel like sleeping would probably bee the most awkward part of that week, at least if it were me.

Seriously, I'm glad you're healing well enough that you're allowed to spar again. That rocks.

[markkrawec]

Yeah. They suck most of the fluid out of your eye & replace it with a bubble of inert gas. Bubble floats, so you have to stay face down to keep the bubble pressing against the spots they welded back down with a laser. That way the retina stays flat & where it should be as you heal up.

Luckily the repair was in a place that let me sleep on my right side. I tried face down the first night but couldn't find a pillow arrangement that worked.

[blissmorgan]

Lasers and bubbles in your eyeball... man, it sucks that you had to deal with all that, but at the same time how freaking awesome is it that humans can use such things to fix such a delicate bodypart!

[markkrawec]

My brother tells me one of the earliest known surgeries was an Indus valley procedure for removing a cataract. Unfortunately it pretty much amounted to poking you in the eye with a stick until the lens came out. After that the patient could see light & dark, which I guess is a win when they couldn't see anything at all before.

[johncomic]

Glad to see you again, and wishing for you to remain afloat. Just saw my doctor this morning who recommended a S.A.D. light, so apparently that's what I've wrestling with this year. Go figure.

[blissmorgan]

When are you going to be getting it? I'll be interested to hear what it does for you.

[johncomic]

not sure, will keep you posted though

[rokenford]

'lo Bliss.

We're making it through the winter. The vacillating between warmish and freezing is getting tiresome though.

Nervouscitedness still in place. Can talk soon. Keeping busy at home.

Bought me some nice dice this week with some unexpected gift cards. I'll get to unpack them when I get home. Actually placed two orders, and the second order I got so excited for I accidentally ordered the wrong set. Working with great CS team to swap them out. But LOOK AT THEM! So pretty! (Been a while since I did something just for me)

https://www.dieharddice.com/shop/Mythica-Platinum-Amethyst-p128122775%3Fforcescroll%3Dtrue

[blissmorgan]

OH MY ZOD YOUR DICE ARE SO FRIKKIN' PRETTY!

[karmal]

I also bought a set of dice, but it's from another store, spinner roll

[unl33t]

*hugs*
Managing here, ish.
*hugs*

[blissmorgan]

*snurgs*

[wa_bob]

It's been 2 weeks. Wow!

It's been a long 2 weeks and it's capped off by me getting diagnosed with the flu today. I have been feeling like crap for most of the week and....... now I know why.

I'm sorry for generalized life stresses and I hope today was good for de-stressing!

[blissmorgan]

Boooo, flu. YAY, diagnosis! Take very good care of you, mister mister. It's been a few days since your comment, actually - feeling better yet?

[wa_bob]

Yes, I finally am feeling better! It's been a bad winter for toxic bugs and I am hoping I will have acquired enough impunity points to make it the rest of the way relatively healthy.I see Youngest's birthday was exciting and I hope all enjoyed celebrating his new trip around the sun!

[blissmorgan]

YAY< FEELING BETTER! Yes, the birthday ended up going very well, considering how low-key it all was. Everything was Just Right.

Still have to plan and execute the party with the friends, but the Big Day itself was a success. I'm so glad for the kiddo.

[shredded_paper]

It's good to see you're on your way back to us :-) I've missed your posts and was hoping things were going well.

At the other end of the planet we've been deal with extreme fire risks and massive droughts. Hopefully the weather will break soon, it's currently too scary to go out on most of the mountainbike trails around the region.

Hope your journey continues onwards and upwards!

[blissmorgan]

I've missed posting. I am working on reorganizing the way I prioritize my internetting. I can't say I regret spending the past few evenings knitting and watching Miss Fisher's Mysteries, although I probably need to stop drinking so much gin.

[joseph_teller]

I'd been wondering if something had happened (like a computer crash) as I hadn't seen anything on here or G+ at all... Welcome back.

[blissmorgan]

Weirdly, I've had the reverse of a computer crash. A computer that was gifted to me for Christmas last year and lasted only a couple of weeks before we had a massive midwinter rainstorm that made the roof leak and drip directly into the keyboard tray and my son came home and found it that way and took it out from under the drip and mopped up the puddle on the keyboard and then turned...it...on...to see if it still worked.... ::headdesk:: Suffice it to say it stopped working properly. The operating system remains totally fine, but the keyboard only partially worked. Some keys stopped reacting at all, and some would react as if I were pressing other keys. I could no longer use it for writing the way I had intended, and it became my WoW-only machine, because I could still at least use the WASD and the number keys and drive with my mouse.

I sat down to play the other day, and my password didn't enter right. One of the keys in my password is one that had gone wonky, and when I pressed it the cursor would start moving eternally left, which meant I had gotten into the habit of typing the latter half of my password, moving the cursor, pressing that key, and then typing the first half of my password in reverse order as the cursor drifted left. Except the cursor was no longer drifting left. One careful keypress at a time I logged in, and then clicked in the chatbox and pressed all the keys on my keyboard, one by one. They all work properly. Nothing triggers eternal left-drift.

The only keys that aren't working right are the volume, and I just keep things muted anyway.

So... reverse computer-crash. It was weird as all heck.

[salobu]

I’m happy to see a post from you! Hopefully you were able to have a productive day and some self care time!

I very much have winter blahs, this week has been awful. Thankfully not in a bad events kind of way, more of a no energy to do anything or even care kind of way. Anxiety is a very real beast, and my usual coping mechanisms have sort of degraded into ‘ignore it and hopefully it will go away’ and ‘that’s future Sarah’s problem’.

In other fun news, my knee is very angry with me today, and may require a doctor visit if resting it doesn’t make a big improvement by tomorrow.

On a happy note, my main InCoWriMo group has so many people that want to write to everybody on the list, we’ve agreed to continue as long as we’d like. I’ve been having a lot of fun doing inky art and sending cute little notes, so it’s something to look forward to :)

Have a good weekend!

[blissmorgan]

I did have a very productive day, which itself was a kind of self-care since too much of my self-worth is tied to my productivity. ::eye-rolls at myself::

Anxiety is a very real beast, and telling now-you that life is not going to be a total disaster for future-you doesn't tend to do much against that beast. :-/

How's your brain doing this week, though? And how's your knee?

Yay, InCoWriMo! I wrote things every day but didn't manage to actually send any of them out until a big batch over the weekend. I still have yet to write to you, too, but am continuing writing - and I'm still receiving mail, too! I got one yesterday from someone in England, which was VERy exciting.

Still haven't gotten a fountain pen. xD

[salobu]

Sigh, thank you for the reply. If only I knew how small my problems were allll the way back then. Thankfully I was able to spend most of last weekend in quiet time and writing type things, like letters and pen fun. I was trying ridiculously hard to rest my knee. I’m not a good patient, but I did pretty well. Alas, by Monday, I had to see the doctor, since I could walk fine, but couldn’t bend or maneuver enough to even get my boot on. Getting in the van was also excruciating. Got sent for xrays, saw doctor again later in the week. Good news, I pulled some ligaments, meaning there is no issue with my futuristic leg hardware, which I was very afraid of. I just need to stop walking on uneven surfaces. Which, after this winter, is every single surface more than six inches outside my door. Bad news is I almost certainly have bone density issues which require more testing, and then who knows what treatment.

Oldest had what we thought was a seizure Monday night, which required an ambulance trip and some hospital time before being sent home. ER doctor said it was a fainting spell. Family doctor said ten year olds don’t just pass out for no reason, and is requesting more tests. Good that she’s being proactive, because it was terrifying, but the whole week was full of so many appointments and testing and stress for both of us ... I don’t know how people do it with chronic illness. I’m just thankful my knee is better, because that is a very big good thing.

Other than that, it’s March Break here, so I am on a road trip with the kids. I had to balance my need for time with the kids with the need to not spend the money that I didn’t make last week, so I’m taking just the next two days off instead of the week. I think I have found a solution for tomorrow that will be mostly free except for parking and lunch, something we haven’t done before, and has the added possibility of a potential full day visit with bestie AND a trip to a real life pen store, assuming the kids are managing a reasonable amount of good behaviour. That would do wonders for my mood and probably my blood pressure lol.

Yeah... really should get on the blogging thing. Too much to say, so Bliss get the world’s longest comment.

[blissmorgan]

Bliss LIKES getting long comments!

But oh MAN, how much you've been going through! Have the doctor visits and tests turned anything up yet with the kiddo? (I'm going through my comments before my Reading Page today, so apologies if this is something you already posted about.)

Pen Stooooooooore? ::chinhands:: DO tell.

[salobu]

Unfortunately we’re still waiting on tests for the kiddo. I’m super thankful not to have to pay for healthcare, but sometimes we have to wait longer than we’d like to get things done. I have a video conference (what?) with my doctor on Wednesday to find out why my bones break too easily, so that’s a little nerve-wracking. I keep trying to remind myself that nothing new is going on with my body, it’s just finally letting me in on the secret.

Sadly, I have no pen shop story to share. I will get there some day, it just wasn’t on this trip. The kids were ridiculous at the science centre, and Google Maps issues made our trip from one side of Toronto almost to the other take way longer than it was supposed to, so we had to settle for a brief ice cream date with bestie instead.

I’m hoping to take oldest down for a girly weekend at some point, since we spent way too much time chasing the three little ones (6, 5, and 2) and didn’t get to enjoy the trip as much as they probably did. Then we can make a relaxed visit to the pen shop, and buy things, and have a nice bestie visit. It’s frustrating to not see somebody for four months, then have the little visit you’re able to manage punctuated by ‘I farted... DID YOU HEAR ME? I said I FARTED!’ and other such 5 year old nonsense. However, a small visit full of children is better than no visit at all, so I will still be thankful. They’re only little once lol.

Hope you’re having a good day :)